I was staring at a map of the world earlier tonight…something I do quite often. Reading all the names of the countries and cities. Day dreaming of all the far off lands our planet has to offer. Just letting my wanderlust take over and envelop my heart and soul. It makes me realize just how small I really am in relation to the earth – sitting here in my little corner of the world in little ole Montana, under what we call the “Big Sky.”When that feeling of smallness and insignificance comes over me it makes my desire to see and experience the world’s bigness all the more. My wanderlust is just too great to contain anymore. I have to satisfy it. I have to get it out of my system – or maybe keep it IN my system.
Five months ago, I had plans to move to Colorado to begin new adventures. I had everything planned out. I was exponentially minimizing my belongings. I had given my notice at my apartment and my job. I knew exactly what day I was going to start driving. I had started saying my goodbyes to friends. I was so excited!
And then…five months ago I met someone who, miraculously, made me change my mind. And, while I don’t regret staying because I have learned a lot about myself; I do still wish that I would have stayed the path. I should have stuck to the plan. I knew the moment I decided to stay that I wanted to move. I
wanted want to go adventuring. And it’s been gnawing at me for five months.
In the last five months I have made decisions that made me push my dreams and passions aside, for
something someone else. In five months I have lost pieces of myself. I haven’t written, picked up my camera, seen a lot of my friends, intermittently gone to church…all because of one decision to stay here for someone instead of move to Colorado. I had a plan. I had motivation. I had it all worked out. I was happy. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t second guessing myself. I knew it was going to be okay. And in one brief, split-second-of-a-moment it all changed. One “hello” changed everything.
It is amazing how a single moment – one decision – can change the whole trajectory of your life. Standing at the fork in the road doesn’t have to be a bad thing, though. There is always a lesson to be learned no matter what direction you decide to go. Making choices, making mistakes, deciding which path to take; isn’t that how we learn and grow as human beings? If we are stagnant, static, how do we learn and take in new information about ourselves and our world? I don’t think we can grow if we are not moving and making decisions. Sometimes, the outcomes aren’t ground-breaking discoveries – sometimes it’s just a matter of reinforcing something you already knew about yourself, but may have been questioning. Or maybe it gives you hope again; the hope you thought you may have lost.
I, wholeheartedly, believe things happen in our lives for a reason – the choices we make always teach us something about ourselves, or sometimes others. Of course, you have to be open to the lesson. You have to be willing to self reflect. Sometimes, it’s hard to see the good in a situation, but there is always good.
For me, I discovered I REALLY do need to satiate my wanderlust; quench my infinite thirst for it. I have learned that I deserve to be respected, appreciated, and loved. I do not have room for negativity in my life. Negativity doesn’t do anyone any good. I want the man I am with to be my partner, my companion, my best friend…someday my husband. I’d also, like him to have the ability to take care of me, even though I don’t need to be taken care of.
It always seems like we aren’t able to learn these things until something tragic or traumatic happen to us. We learn the hard way, right? But, that should give us hope. Hope that it’s not always going to be dark. Hope that the morning always comes. Just because you made a mistake or a wrong turn doesn’t mean you have to be stuck on that path. There are going to be a million forks in the road. We are constantly making choices and decisions everyday! Don’t let a wrong turn deter you from always making a choice.
Learn from your outcomes, your mistakes, and your decisions. If the outcome doesn’t match your end goal then make another turn, and another, and another. But I ask you not be stagnant. Don’t freeze. Keep going.
There are sure to be hiccups in life, but little by little you will make it. You will reach your goals. You will satiate that hunger inside of you to dream big – as big as you possibly can!
I plan on making some changes in 2017 and I hope that you will all join me on that journey.
P.S. It feels amazing to be writing again!